In love, as in other facets, we also grow. They are the experiences, our own and others, of which we take note. In fact, if we ourselves look back, we are sure that we are able to identify different aspects that we have changed in our way of loving, regardless of whether we now have a relationship of more or less time or even that we do not have any.
In this article we are going to talk about five aspects that are quite common in this learning. There are teenagers who have already learned them all, on the contrary there are people who are in their sixties and who have not yet taken that step. In one way or another, the reflection that we propose in this article speaks of some mistakes that some people make as a couple and that in the long run become the real saboteurs of their relationships.
The need for control is a poison for love
An immature person in a relationship has an urgent need to control the other. He thinks that the person with whom he shares a relationship is somehow his and watches her with the same logic that he would watch a bicycle if he left it on the street. This need for control is closely linked to time, since the person of his partner tries to occupy all the time that the other has free: this is one more form of control.
The mature person knows that this control is a totally unproductive source of anxiety. If the other has to end up leaving, he will do so in the same way and if he has to stay, it will be clear that it is for love and not for fear of crossing the barrier that the other watches.
As for time, the mature person needs his space and understands that the other person does too. In addition to understanding it and needing her own, she is convinced that its existence is enriching for the relationship.
Communication is the air that love breathes
An immature person has not yet understood how important communication is in their relationship. Hence, do not pay any attention to it and put the ideas into words, as they appear in your head. The opposite can also happen, and instead of using it without a filter, put one so strong that nothing happens.
On the contrary, the mature person understands that communication requires patience and a great deal of intelligence. You know, for example, that the proposal is much better than the criticism or that the denial has a much lower probability of causing a conflict if it is accompanied by a range of alternatives.
Communication requires patience and a great deal of intelligence
Forgiveness, revenge and resentment
Immature people forgive but do not forget. They have their list of grievances ready in case at some point there is an argument and they have to pull their nails. On the other hand, this list of grievances is usually endless, since they are very sensitive to the behavior of the other, so that any slight touch causes a lot of emotional pain.
The person who has reached maturity resolves conflicts. Understand that wounds need time, but that this time is useless if they do not dedicate part of it to leaving the conflict resolved. She does not make any list of insults because she knows that the only consequence of her is pain and destruction, both of herself and of the partner herself.
Time and affection cannot be lacking in love
Immature people give gifts to receive them. On the other hand, rarely a detail seems sufficient or meets their expectations. In addition, they need the constant attention of the other and harbor in their internal forum the hope that the other will be able to read their minds. Something that is humanly impossible. They prefer a material gesture to a hug, because they measure the value of these gestures by the economic cost they attribute to them. A hug for them is worth very little.
Mature people give gifts to see each other’s faces. For them the best time is to give them what they have made or bought and see the other’s face. In addition, they show immense joy at any gesture that the other makes to them, because they focus on what is there and not on what may be missing. Finally, what they value most are the gestures of affection because through them they enjoy love as children.
Intimacy, in love, is more than desire
The immature person is only attracted to the other’s physique. Understand that sex is where everything begins and where everything ends. Thus, if the couple does not work in this sense, they consider that the crisis is deep, at least much more than it would be if the couple had not spoken for a week in a row for more than two minutes in a row.
Mature people understand that desire is another part of the relationship and that it communicates with the rest of the facets. This means that all complement each other and that even all can improve all. For them, where everything begins and ends is in intimacy, where sex lives, but also trust or vulnerability (understood in a positive sense).
Finally, for immature people the objective with their partner is not to suffer, to be well. For mature people, the goal with their partners is to grow and enjoy themselves. Continue betting on the common project in which they are embarked in the way we have already said. And your partner, in which of the two poles is it?