The continued use of irony, far from being a trait of elegant wit, can actually be a double-edged sword with which to undermine our self-esteem. It is true that sometimes, this resource can seem very original, and that those who use it can sometimes give us a false image of subtle attractiveness and sense of humor.
In the world of cinema, television series and even in literature, we often meet these types of characters so skilled in the use of irony and sarcasm. Now, what is really behind their personalities? Individualism, some arrogance and a peculiar talent to look down on those around him.
The creator of the “bad irony” tends to send us comments that really seek to show us something. And for this, they do not hesitate to use sarcasm to attack us in the most subtle and particular way possible, but even so, it is still an offense. Have you ever received these types of malicious phrases? Let’s talk about it today and learn to defend ourselves too.
The limits of irony
It is often said that to promote everyday happiness, it never hurts to practice a sense of humor and even make fun of ourselves. It is perhaps a way of relativizing things and also being somewhat more humble.
It never hurts to relax a bit with an ironic phrase. It’s a clever trait and it helps us smile. This is what we undoubtedly call “positive irony”, the one that does not hurt and does not seek to attack anyone. However, we cannot ignore that other that pretends, “consciously”, to harm whoever is in front of it.
Let’s think about those toxic couple relationships where one of the members exercises control over the other person. The continued use of irony or sarcasm is a way of dominating as well as humiliating, underestimating our worth, demotivating us and taking away our energy every day.
The Argentine psychologist Bernardo Stamateas explains that the use of irony and sarcasm is very common in the profiles of toxic people. Be it our partners, co-workers and even our family members, the goal is always the same: slowly undermine our motivation and the value we have of ourselves . “If you decrease, if you see yourself smaller and more fragile, they will acquire power and have more control over you”
The artisans of this malicious irony have many masks, and although a low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence may be hidden under them, you must be careful to know how to set limits. To ensure that they do not destroy you inside.
How to defend ourselves from negative irony
If a person exists in your personal or work environment, accustomed to use the resource of irony from its negative side, you know you have to put some limits determined as soon as possible. If we do not do so, if we allow ourselves to be violated and attacked, it is possible that day by day “his art” will increase and that we allow him to have more power.
A specific resource can become a habit, and habit into domination when they perceive that they are successful and that they manage to humiliate us. Do not allow it, do not let them hurt you with that kind of ironies on any occasion.
We explain in a simple way how to defend yourself.
1. We received an ironic comment
What is the first thing to do? Think and analyze what they have told you, do not rush to say the first thing that comes to mind. There are people who are very skilled with the use of sarcasm, so it is possible that there is no attack on you. Be silent and calm as you analyze the words that have been addressed to you.
2. Have you been attacked?
Have they violated your self-esteem? The last thing you should do is return another irony, because by doing so, we are playing the same game. A cowardly game where words are not said directly and sincerely. You are a person of integrity and you don’t need to play with terms or with people to say what you think.
3. Say out loud what that person meant
Now say out loud what this person in question meant, without using irony: Are you calling me a coward ? Are you telling me that I am not capable of doing this? Do you think that I am less valid than you? Expose the offense in all its rawness so that the other person reacts and argues, do it calmly and with poise, hoping that whoever is in front of you can argue.
Irony, far from a theatrical setting, is always harmful. Never allow them to ironic about you or your abilities
Images Courtesy: Javier H. Lemen, JohnK