When a friend or a loved one is going through a bad time and behaves differently, it is not easy to know what to do to help him or what to say to make him feel better. Many times trying to do something is counterproductive, especially if we do not take into account that the important thing is to respect the bad moment that the other is going through, giving them time.
To do this, we are going to see four ways to help someone overcome their bad moment by allowing them to maintain their limits, manage their frustration and maintain patience.
1. – Respect the other’s process
It is a very common practice to try to distract the other so that they forget what happened to them. However, this does not solve anything, and can lead to tense situations, arguments and misunderstandings. In any case, this attempt to speed up the grieving or coping process may work for a while, but it will not solve anything and it is very possible that it will even make it worse. The repressed pain does not go away, but continues to appear in almost unbearable ways at times very inopportune.
In this sense, what is really going to help the other is letting them pass their natural process, including impulsive behaviors. You have to let him cry, protest, be alone if he needs it… Because hiding the pain does not make it go away.
It is also important to respect your own way of approaching the process. There are people who cry a lot, others who don’t. There are people who need company, but also others who have plenty of people. And so, a long etcetera. Let your friend do what they need without worrying about social conventions or what they will say.
2. – Understand your limits
When someone is in the process of overcoming something that has happened to them, it is likely that they will not be able to see beyond, that they suddenly become irascible, irrational, incomprehensible and even rude or rude. But this is not indicative of how the rest of your life will be. It’s just a losing streak, and you have to let it go. However, if we reinforce it with attitudes in the form of reprimands or reproaches, or we get even more angry, this will increase, and then it is very likely that something will change in the relationship, even in people.
Therefore, make an effort to understand that in bad times we all have our limits and that it is necessary to let it go, with patience.
3. – Let your friend find his own way
From the outside we think we understand what the best solution is, and we tend to try to convince the other to do what we tell them. The other does not see things clearly, and we feel obliged to guide him, as if he were a blind person walking alone down the street without a cane or guide. But the other needs to find his own way, he needs to calm down and find his own solution. No one can get into your head to find out what you really want or need. The rest of us may not agree, but that does not give us the right to decide for him.
If you really want to help your friend, what you have to do is accompany him and be there in case it goes wrong, not try to impose your criteria on him. This is being respectful. The other is a selfish way of trying to solve something in the fastest and easiest way for you. But it’s not about you; it’s about the other, don’t forget.
4. – Be careful with the details
The details are important. Grief absorbs everything, and magnifies it. Anything that can cause a misunderstanding or any attitude that can be unpleasant or offensive is going to hurt the other person a lot and can even seriously deteriorate the relationship. But good things also count, and small details of affection can make a difference and help a lot.