I can imagine how many times you have contested your intuition for having been the guide that led you to the abyss. This is how, taking a step further, so many times you will have realized that your mistrust has a lot to do with the disappointments you have experienced throughout your existence.
When the results do not go as expected in the pool of social relationships, we get a clear experience. Sometimes we can’t predict everything. Sometimes we will be wrong, and at other times we will be right, even if we don’t want to … because getting right is not always luck.
So many times our intuition will be confirmed. I knew it! I told you! When our intuition is supported by what happens in reality we feel satisfied. Satisfied with our quick compass, great for its low cost. We can finally predict some results. Not everything is adrift and not everything is lost.
When our intuition fails we feel helpless
But try to imagine for a moment how you felt that time your intuition slipped. He did not walk straight. He tripped and fell. You saw her on the floor and you wondered what happened? You were very safe and now suddenly I find you lying on the ground. How is it possible?
When our intuition fails, a part of us feels helpless. With a capricious compass that ignores the north (and the south, and the east, and the west), in a world that is sometimes unpredictable, walking becomes unsafe. Especially when you are looking for authentic relationships, where you want the truth to rule. Relationships where the other can be an instrument at times, but never ceases to be an end. You are looking for a true and genuine way to relate.
This is where the blow of disappointment hits. The hit of reality. The slap to our “naivety.” But don’t think you are naive for having trusted that part of you that reasons very quickly and without telling you how. Do not think yourself a fool because you are going to do it again, just think that disappointments exist. They are part of the rules of the game, of you and of the mechanisms you use to make decisions. Yes, they will never be perfect.
The just world theory is a bias that we need to be aware of
Not everything is predictable because for everything, or at least for the majority, we have partial information. On the other hand, our resources are limited and are overwhelmed when the data or the possibilities are many. Finally, when we expect or interpret reality, a series of filters or biases act in our mind. One of these filters has to do with our willingness to believe, especially when we are graceful, that we live in a just world, or at least more just than it really is.
“People have a need to believe that they live in a world where everyone generally gets what they deserve”
-Malvin J. Lerner-
We believe, or sometimes want to believe, that good things will happen to good people and bad things will happen to bad people. A kind of silenced justice or karma. Something like having what we deserve. However, this thought that influences our mental life is often not fulfilled: it is a law with many exceptions.
Sometimes life pulls out its claws and reminds us of what it is: unpredictable; at least more unpredictable than it would be if an axiom, like that of the just world, always worked. In this sense, there is no intuition that is capable of predicting certain results. We trust that this person will be fair to us and will behave according to their values. We put all our faith in her and suddenly we were faced with a great disappointment.
Trust involves risks and therefore requires courage
It’s not how it said it was. Or at least in this particular moment he has done something that has completely thrown us out of the picture. It has caught us off guard. Off guard. Just when we had started to deliver trust blindly. Life hits us. Our heart breaks. Our illusion is shattered in front of our eyes.
We blink and realize that the stable has become unstable, that the gray now appears black and the white gray. It is as if we have gotten on a boat in the middle of a strong surf. That’s when that courage is needed, when it’s hard to get safely back on deck and keep working.
We are talking about the student who has left his elbows studying and has failed, about the person who has gone through a relationship in which he has been mistreated, about the daughter who has seen her mother die suddenly, about the man who he has remained still when he has been told that his son’s heart has stopped and will not beat again. We are talking about a city that has suffered a terrorist attack by those who believe that life can be second in a hierarchy.
We can’t predict everything
Intuition kicks in especially when it is able to recognize patterns. Therefore, we can more easily predict the behavior of people we know. In his performance he is capable of producing unpleasant sensations, but also very pleasant. In addition, it can act as an inner voice that tells us: “run, jump!”, “Go for it!” or … “Stand up.”
Therefore, if life surprised you with a painful and unexpected betrayal, do not blame your intuition. We just can’t predict everything sometimes. We don’t live in a fair world where every card is marked.
But we can build our own little fair world, being authentic and true. When someone is authentic, they are reliable and predictable. We will always know what to expect. It will be your choice (and only yours) to have that person or to push them out of your way. So, don’t blame your intuition for its failure, as the error belongs to its, and therefore your, nature.