Our affective relationship has to be a safe haven, the place where we can be ourselves and where we feel supported, loved and respected. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. On many occasions, the partner or the romantic partner utters a humiliating or disrespectful treatment that is ignored. Therefore, if you feel that something is wrong, but you are not sure what is happening, pay attention to the following signs to detect if your partner is invalidating you.
It is worth mentioning that, too often, we are not aware that we are immersed in a harmful dynamic. The ideals of romantic love perpetuated by stories and movies, emotional dependence on the partner or the fear of being alone can prevent us from opening our eyes to that painful reality. However, since our main commitment must always be with ourselves, it is our responsibility not to allow behaviors that threaten our psychological integrity.
How to detect if your partner invalidates you?
It can be difficult to identify that our partner invalidates us. The insecurity and lack of self – esteem, among other things, can lead us to normalize these behaviors. When you don’t feel worthy of love and respect, alarms don’t go off when you’re mistreated.
However, the sensations do not lie and it is from them that we have to use to identify this invalidation. When it occurs, as much as you are used to receiving it, as much as you are unable to defend yourself, you will feel that something is not right. But, in addition, you can use the following keys to corroborate that feeling you have.
Invalidate your emotions
This type of behavior is one of the most common. It consists of belittling and downplaying the emotions that the couple experiences in certain circumstances. The person can claim that the other is exaggerated, that he is crazy and that ultimately there is no room for what he feels.
Generally, this type of invalidation is often used during couple discussions to subtract weight from the other’s arguments and render him powerless. If he is exaggerated, if he is crazy … there is no need to listen to him, to consider him or to take any responsibility for how he feels. A very commonly used strategy by self-centered and narcissistic people.
But it is also possible that it occurs with matters that have nothing to do with the couple. By sharing with your partner how you feel about a work, family or friend-related issue, you can downplay it, ignore it, and avoid offering you listening or help.
Despise your opinions
Does your partner frequently make you feel that you don’t know, that you don’t understand, that you are not right? No matter what the issue is, you never seem to have the knowledge or experience to weigh in. Everything you say about it is refuted, ignored or undervalued and your partner does not hesitate to make you feel ignorant, both in public and in the private sphere.
These behaviors are a flagrant lack of respect that should not have a place in an emotional relationship. Well, its effect on self-esteem can be devastating. In addition, it establishes an imbalance in the relationship whereby one is always in a superior position (intellectually or morally speaking) with respect to the other.
Rejects and judges you
Sometimes the invalidation is directed more directly towards who you are as a person, both physically and psychologically. Certain people attack the image of their partner, their style of dress, their personality traits, values and convictions, making it appear that they are not appropriate or acceptable.
If your partner is constantly judging you, wanting to change you, and making you feel guilty about how you look, think, feel, or act, he’s overtly invalidating you.
What to do after detecting if your partner invalidates you?
The difficult thing is not so much to detect if your partner invalidates you, but to assume that he does. Often the signs are clear, but we refuse to see them out of fear, dependency, or insecurity. If you feel identified with the previous points, do not continue allowing that dynamic.
Always keep in mind that all human beings are valid and deserve to be accepted, especially by those who chose us to share life. Set limits on disrespect before repetition convinces you, too, that you are inappropriate.
4 red flags in a relationship
There are certain red flags that tell us that the relationship is not working properly. Knowing them and acting accordingly will avoid suffering.