Letter To Who Hurt Me

I am writing this letter to you, even if you never read it. You hurt me, a lot of damage. In nature there is no justice and I continue to suffer. But today I realized that somehow I have to get out of myself the deep regret that I feel and that is what I am going to do.

I distrust the resentment because he is not a good friend, so I do not want him with me. In addition, resentment leads us to feel fear and it is precisely what I need to disappear. It’s not that I’m afraid of you, it’s that I’m afraid of reliving my suffering and falling into the same mistake again.

That is why I have decided that I have to face it, put myself face to face with your person and everything you mean; whether in my mind or not, and assert myself. If I reduce this fear, I will reduce all the others.

I loved you and trusted you, you know? I wasn’t really asking for anything extraordinary, but if I had known, I wouldn’t have allowed you to harm me. I will never forget how unbearable this pain is or how much it has taught me. At the end of the day I have to thank you for something.

I’ve learned that you can’t give someone something they don’t want to receive. You allowed yourself the luxury of making it too clear for me; as well as how important it is to know what is bad in your life and is consuming you.

Well yes, I have realized that you were so damaging to me that you have prevented me from moving forward for a long time.  

As someone once said,  true hatred is selflessness, and the perfect murder is forgetfulness. I’m not going to throw a stone upwards, as it will most likely land on my head. Of course, it would not bring happiness, but would add misery to my life without contemplation.

They say that bleeding does not hurt, that it is pleasant, that it is as if you dissolve in oil and breathe very deeply. The same happens with the pain in the soul, somehow it anesthetizes you and you are not aware of what it is assuming for you until it is too late.

Perhaps I am writing these lines with tears of blood and pure pain but I am taking command and taking the helm because I have come in time to go further and overcome what you caused in me.

I have to tell you that I write this because behind my courage there is great sadness, infinite humiliation and delicate disappointment. I feel like I’m walking over a volcano while my life is hanging by a thread, so I have to let go of the burden of carrying what you caused inside me.

I need very little to be well but that is why I have to get all this pain out of me. From today I do not hold a grudge or anger or rage, I do not want unnecessary things in my heart. Every painful experience contains within a great seed of growth and liberation.

The reality is that today I asked myself if I could do something worthwhile, so I decided to write this. This letter is not for you, it is for me, because I need to release your burden from my back. I have stopped to think that I do not want anything negative in my life and I have realized that there you are and everything you did, as well as the way you make me feel.

I have come to realize that reflecting on you is the greatest act of self- love I can do. Today I can say that you are doing me a favor because now more than ever I love myself and I know that I do not want to make my body the grave of my soul, that I can face everything that is inside me. Do not be afraid to live because everything consists of relearning how to do it.

When you hold your resentment towards another person, you are tied to that person or to that situation, by an emotional bond that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that bond and achieve freedom

Catherine Ponder 

Images of Marc Little and Larissa Kulik

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