Stop Blaming Others For Your Problems And Take Control

Blaming others and circumstances is an easy way not to take responsibility, a way to apologize for what happens. But it is also the most effective way to lose control over your life.

Many people need to blame others and / or circumstances, because by feeling victims they also justify what happens to them. That way they don’t need to do anything, and just complain and wait – as if that’s enough.

‚ÄúPeople are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I do not believe in circumstances. The people who make progress in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, they do them. “

-George Bernard Shaw-

We need to find a cause

Uncertainty is not something that is easy to live with. We need to know where, what and why, to stay in control and to know that the problem will somehow be solved. Thus, if the fault is someone else’s, the responsibility for the solution also.

Finding someone to blame can give us the feeling that a problem has been solved when we have not really understood its cause and effect. But blaming others, we are left out of the game, at the mercy of what might happen, without any capacity to handle ourselves.

Take control of your own life by blaming others less

Some people have the emotional satisfaction of talking about how bad other people are. However, research has found that when someone speaks negatively, the listener is more likely to associate the negativity with the one who speaks ill of the other. Researchers call this spontaneous trait transfer.

It takes a great person to accept and internalize your own responsibility for what happens. It is not about taking all the blame when there are responsible, but about being able to accept responsibility when it really belongs.

If it’s all someone else’s fault, then what part can I play in my own life?  Will my actions remain without consequence? Am I that powerless? Knowing that we can accept our responsibility when things go wrong also means that we can acceptThe responsability when things are going well. 

We have to develop the ability to be objective enough about ourselves to be able to avoid assuming that we probably could never have created problems for ourselves. We also have to distinguish between accepting responsibility and penalizing ourselves improperly.

Look for the cause, but not just any cause

If something doesn’t work, it’s easy to get creative and find some reason to blame someone else. You have to learn to relax and overcome that need to seek responsibility as your first objective, tolerate the temporary uncertainty of not knowing until you get a broader perspective of things. You have to take time. Finding a culprit does not solve anything.

“When you’re young, it’s easy to get upset and complain about many things, but then you realize that if you manage to control yourself it causes less problems.”

-Natsume Soseki-

You can only grow if you give yourself feedback correctly

Being objective when it comes to recognizing a mistake is the way to improve and develop. We do not progress as human beings simply by surviving and arming ourselves against the world. We have to develop the ability to respond to life and to give ourselves feedback avoiding the effects of low self-esteem or vanity.

There is no shame in making a mistake or failing at something. Only a correct feedback on the causes will allow us to take advantage to improve. We do not grow by avoiding mistakes, but by analyzing their causes and recognizing the weaknesses and limitations to seek and remedy.

Forget guilt and focus on doing things better

For some people, guilt is everything. But then, what is left? Does that solve something? Forget guilt and focus on your goal, to solve what you can and change what it takes to improve and do things correctly.

“Blaming your mistakes on your nature does not change the nature of your mistakes.”

-Thomas Harris-