Have you ever asked yourself this question? What love is better? But maybe you think, are there different ways to love? Maybe not, or maybe yes. What is certain is that we love at different times. Depending on where we are, feelings and emotions may differ.
The English statesman Benjamin Disraeli said that ” the magic of first love consists in our ignorance that it can have an end. ” It is very possible that he was right. Who did not live that first love whose touch with the loved one seemed to burn the skin due to the passion burning every second?
However, beyond the noble romanticism that culture and custom have led us to believe regarding the magic of first love, it seems that it is not the best. Or so at least it follows from the opinions of some specialists.
What love is better, if there are several loves?
According to the psychologists Cristina Callao and Robert Epstein there are different loves. In fact, and despite the cultural heritage of passionate love, the reality is very different. That which you read in romance novels would actually be a false idealization.
The aforementioned psychologists try to question that idea of the better half, which we would need as an element to feel complete. However, Callao estimates that in reality this option simply totally absorbs one of the members of the couple, thus losing its essence and individuality.
But while it is true that the strength of adolescence makes us live passionate and unforgettable first loves, it is no less true that there are better options. Thus, that young couple, in whose laps we feel full happiness and whose remoteness made us deeply unhappy, seems to be by no means the most valid option.
However, the human brain tends to idealize what makes it nostalgic. A famous saying that illustrates it says that “all times in the past were better.” However, it doesn’t seem true. The truth is that passionate youth loves on many occasions suffer for lack of serenity and security.
What love is better? According to experts, mature love
Thus the situation, experts consider mature love as the best. Why? For various reasons:
- Mature love comes when we are more educated people, with clearer ideas.
- Mature love comes infused with a touch of security and serenity that every human being needs.
- The affective and emotional health of an adult love is much more fruitful.
- It is a way of loving that benefits emotionally, individually and as a couple.
It is evident that few poets will praise mature love, for perhaps it lacks the intensity of the feelings of youthful passion. However, the bond that is created between the members of the couple is based on fullness and trust, and not so much on emotional intensity.
“At first all thoughts belong to love. After all the love belongs to the thoughts”
The risk of romantic love
Today’s society and popular culture have instilled in us a certain closeness to romantic love. Many dream of that deep and intense infatuation that will change their life. However, it will not be for the best in most cases.
The idealization of a romantic love prevents us from a clean and clear vision of reality. In this way, toxic, tumultuous and painful relationships become an impossible reality for many to abandon. According to Epstein, love is instilled in us in a very unrealistic way, so that this idea of love is inaccessible to ordinary mortals. On the other hand, childhood programming is so strong that the mistake of looking for a “movie crush” is rarely missed.
However, patterns of idealization can change. Although they are attitudes implicit in our brain, it is in our power to shape this configuration. In this way, the learning process that begins with the first romantic love can be used as an evolution to find more mature, sensible and serene loves.
“Love is a friendship with erotic moments”
As a conclusion, psychologists recommend prioritizing feelings of attraction, respect, and appreciation. That is why honest, empathetic people who are not constantly on the defensive and have a great sense of humor can form more lasting, sincere and happy relationships. Thus, to the question of “what love is better?”, The experts answer: mature love.